Weekend break in Oxford for some Morse magic

We’ve had a letter we feel we should share with you so you don’t end up feeling as short changed as this particular reader.

Dear Weak Holidays.

Last week me and my wife, Doreen, decided to go for a weekend break to Oxford. There was a reason for this and one reason alone: Morse. She won’t mind me saying this: Doreen is Morse Mental. She has the box sets, she has the board game (yes there is one) and she has the t shirt (she made this herself, because although there are official ones out there Doreen felt they didn’t do justice to the Inspector, so she hand stitched his craggy face to within a needle point of perfection herself). Now, we booked into the guest house no problem and it’s a lovely place, can’t fault it at all – Parklands Guest House, Banbury Road. We asked about Morse at said guest house and a lovely young man said ‘You must mean the Morse tour,’ and gave us a leaflet with all the details we would need. Now, you can imagine Doreen’s excitement. She barely slept a wink.

The next day we were there, a good half an hour before the tour started, the pouring rain not dampening Doreen’s excitement one jot. Two hours we walked, two hours, in the rain, looking for Morse on every street corner and in every college quad. And did we ever see him? Did we ever get the big reveal? No. We didn’t. And do you know why? He’s dead! Dead! So whilst ITV 3 are cashing in showing non-stop repeats, the box sets are flying out of the shops and Oxford is doing a Morse Tour, it’s all one big lie. Please print this letter as a warning to your non-suspecting readers who may be duped as we so cruelly were. Imagine the shock of the young man when we returned to the guest house, me propping up a sobbing Doreen, having to reveal to him the death of the great Inspector and Oxford’s big lie. Let me be clear. MORSE IS DEAD.

Brian Winstanley
Name and address supplied