“When’s Jan Zelezny going to throw?” asked William Shakespeare.

“He’s not,” replied Sophie Ellis-Bextor.

Shakespeare’s face fell. “I don’t understand,” he said.

“Well, he’s retired,” said Ellis-Bextor. “He’s not in the competition.”

“But why?” said Shakespeare, trying to turn in his seat, but struggling due to his ridiculously oversized breeches.

“Well he’s old,” said Ellis-Bextor. “He got old and retired.”

“I don’t understand,” said Shakespeare.

Ellis-Bextor was growing irritated. “What’s not to understand?” she snapped. “Sportsmen retire.”

“Why would Jan Zelezny not be throwing the javelin in the Olympic Games?”

“Because he’s retired,” whined Ellis-Bextor. “He hasn’t competed in years.”

“That’s ridiculous,” said Shakespeare.

Ellis-Bextor didn’t respond.

“Do you think they’d let me have a go?” said Shakespeare.

Ellis-Bextor again didn’t respond.

“I miss Jan Zelezny,” said Shakespeare sadly.