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“Not too shabby,” said Toadfish Rebecchi.

“I’m sure it impresses the likes of you,” replied William Shakespeare.

“Now come on,” pleaded Toadfish. “Don’t be like that. Let’s just try and have a nice holiday.”

“You’re a fat fuck,” said Shakespeare blankly and irrelevantly.

“What? Where did that come from?” Toadfish was genuinely taken aback.

“It came from looking you up and down and seeing you for what you are: a fat fucking fuck.” Shakespeare turned away from Toadfish and strode off.

“Come back, you poncy little shit,” said Toadfish. “Come back and apologise.”

Shakespeare turned towards Toadfish, folded his arms and closed his eyes. The stance, when combined with his jerkin and sheer linen collar made him look decidedly pompous. “I shall do no such thing. It was an honest and accurate assessment.”

“Whatever my weight, you can’t call me ‘a fuck’. That’s not accurate.”

Shakespeare retained his posture. It was like he was looking down his nose at Toadfish through his eyelids.

The Aussie lawyer lost his temper. “Look at you,” he said. “With your gay-arsed clothes and your pube-like facial hair, who do you think you are.”

Shakespeare remained impassive, so Toadfish continued. “Most men who slap back, like you have, acknowledge the fact. Any chance of a decent haircut? It’s like you’ve robbed a lesbian trainspotter’s wig and applied it to the wrong part of your head.”

Still nothing from Shakespeare.

“Fine,” said Toadfish. “Stay mute. See if I give a shit. It’s better than listening to you screaming at the staff, like you usually do.”

Perhaps feeling he had triumphed, Shakespeare allowed a smirk to creep across his face.

Toadfish turned to walk away and started muttering to himself as he did so: “Dickhead. She’d be better off with Chris Rea.”

“What the fuck did you just say?” screamed Shakespeare at the top of his voice.


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Posted by Alex On July - 19 - 2011

One Response to “The Cove Atlantis luxury hotel in the Bahamas with Toadfish”

  1. Bonobo the Clown says:

    Are William Shakeaspeare and Toadfish Rebecchi eventually going to make love?

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A man who has no interest in writing about Toadfish Rebecchi, largely because his surname is annoying to spell.