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“This scenery is quite breathtaking,” said Sophie Ellis-Bextor.

William Shakespeare groaned.

“What’s the matter?” asked the guide, directing his horse towards Shakespeare’s. “Are you getting saddle sore?”

“No, no,” replied the bard. “It’s not that. I’m just struggling a bit.”

“Is it the horse?” asked the guide with some concern.

“No, it’s not the horse. Well, it’s not this particular horse. It’s just generally being on a horse.”

“Maybe try standing in the stirrups, eh?” suggested the guide.

“What?” said Shakespeare, outraged. “Why? Are you saying it’s my arse?”

The guide was taken aback. “No, I just thought it might help. I don’t really know what’s wrong. It was just a suggestion.”

“Well it’s not my arse, okay? You can get that idea out of your mind right now, you little bastard.” Shakespeare’s temper subsided a little before he spoke again. “It’s not my arse. It’s more of an ache. A dull ache.”

“Oh, okay,” said the guide, who had little to offer beyond that.

Shakespeare tensed his jaw. “It’s just the bobbing. The motion, you know?”

“Mmm,” said the guide, who didn’t know.

“The constant movement just sort of… sharpens the pain. I’m finding it very difficult.”

At that moment, there was a wail from behind them. Rapidly turning their horses, Shakespeare and the guide were confronted with a crazed looking Ellis-Bextor. Tears stained her cheeks and she appeared in great distress.

“I didn’t want to do that to you,” she screamed. “You made me do it. I don’t like it. I don’t know why we have to do that.”

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Posted by Alex On July - 5 - 2011

3 Responses to “Riding holiday in Montana has pros and cons”

  1. Bonobo the Clown says:

    I’ve some cooling balm that could be of use. He’ll have to apply it himself though.

  2. chowkster says:

    The ending is intriguing to say the least. What did Ellis-Bextor do, exactly? Why did she not want to do it?

  3. Alex says:

    Maybe all will become clear if you subscribe to the weekly email.

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