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“Here are the keys, monsieur,” said the man. “It is parked in space B4.”

“Thanks very much,” said William Shakespeare, who then turned and addressed his travelling companion, ex-England left-arm seam bowler, Alan Mullally: “Come on. Let’s go.”

“What car is it?” asked Mullally as they descended the steps to the car hire company car park.

“It’s a Peugeot 206,” said William Shakespeare. “I hope it’s got air conditioning.”

The pair emerged into a small underground car park and made their way along the row of cars, looking for space B4. As they approached the car, they suddenly realised that it was surrounded by a pack of velociraptors.

“Oh no,” said Shakespeare. “This doesn’t look good.”

“Don’t worry,” said Mullally. “It’ll be fine.”

But it wasn’t fine. The velociraptors looked very menacing and it seemed they had been tampering with the car. The windows were wound down and there were distinctive claw marks on the doors.

“Excuse me,” said Shakespeare uncertainly. A velociraptor was blocking his path to the car. The late Cretaceous beast sulkily stepped aside, just far enough that Shakespeare and Mullally could squeeze past with some difficulty.

“Just get in the car,” ordered Shakespeare as Mullally went to put his bag in the boot. The English playwright was finding the situation very uncomfortable and just wanted to get away as quickly as possible.

Mullally examined the car’s interior. “This is shoddy,” he said. “Look at the state of the mats in the footwells. These raptors have filthied the place up something rotten.

“Shh,” urged Shakespeare with some agitation. “We can deal with that when we return the car. Let’s just get out of here for now.”

“We really should raise the issue now,” said Mullally. “How else can we prove that the car was in this state when we picked it up.”

“It doesn’t matter,” seethed Shakespeare through his teeth, turning the ignition.

“Well I disagree,” countered Mullally, opening the glove compartment. “I mean look at this.” He pointed at something fleshy. “Is that a gizzard?”

“It doesn’t matter,” repeated Shakespeare. “Let’s just go.”

The velociraptors were still milling around threateningly outside the car, occasionally peering in at the two holidaymakers. As Shakespeare tried to pull out of the space, they blocked his path.

“Oh God,” said Shakespeare. “They’re not moving.”

“They’ll move,” said Mullally, unconcerned.

The raptors stepped aside just far enough that the car could get by. In first gear, Shakespeare edged through the narrow gap, but as he started to turn the wheel, the car stalled.

“Shit,” said Shakespeare. “Shit.”

“Don’t get so riled up,” said Mullally. “Just ignore them. They aren’t going to do anything.”

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Posted by Alex On July - 12 - 2011

2 Responses to “Renting a car at Geneva airport”

  1. Kevin Miles says:

    This better be to be fucking continued. And they better get their deposit back. The damage was already done. Mullally was write to suggest reporting it. I predict an angry Shakespeare in part 2.

  2. Bonobo the Clown says:

    A car containing a gizzard has not been correctly valeted.

    And I should know – I’m not a complete fucking idiot.

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