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Meeting Kim Kardashian at the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas

William Shakespeare peered across the room. A sad-looking dark-haired girl sat at a table on her own. After scrutinising her arse for a few seconds, Shakespeare decided he should go over to see what was wrong. "You all right?" he enquired. "Ahh, ...

Volleyball on Ipanema Beach in Rio de Janeiro

"Well of course you're losing," said Sophie Ellis-Bextor. "Why do you insist on wearing those clownish clothes even when you're doing sport?" "There's nothing clownish about them," spat William Shakespeare, turning to pick up the volleyball once again. "You've got no freedom ...

Ordering coffee in a Paris café

"Just a coffee please, Neil," said Sophie Ellis-Bextor. Neil Codling from Suede placed the order in perfect French then smiled at Ellis-Bextor. "You seem to speak the language very well," she said. "Yes, I lived here for a year or two," said ...

One day at the Egyptian pyramids

Posted by Alex On June - 17 - 2011
“Fuck this, fuck this and fuck you,” said Shakespeare, climbing out of the bus. The driver regarded him wearily. “What is that?” cried the bard, pointing at the Pyramid of Khufu. “That’s shit. I’ve seen better monuments in the toilet after I’ve taken a crap.” “That’s the Pyramid of Khufu,” said the guide. “It is the oldest of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World.” “I’ll say it’s ancient,” said Shakespeare. “Look at the state of it. It’s in a state of disrepair. It needs attention.” “It...
Shakespeare ran a finger inside his sheer linen collar. “It’s fucking roasting here, Toady.” Toadfish looked at him with contempt. “Why do you dress like that? You look like a gay.” “Why do you dress like that, you fucking chump. Who do you think you are, standing there in your shorts and T-shirt handing out style advice like you’re the king of fashion.” “Why do you always do this?” said Toady. “We’re standing here in the shadow of one of man’s finest architectural achievements, but you can’t concentrate on its...

Shakespeare in the Waldorf Astoria Orlando

Posted by Alex On April - 19 - 2011
The heat and humidity were oppressive and Shakespeare’s sheer linen collar was troubling him. If the air conditioning in the hotel were working properly, he wouldn’t feel like this. That was another complaint. He turned and addressed the man behind the desk once again: “And what the fuck is up with the air conditioning? It’s like a million degrees in here. If I weren’t sweating my nads off, I’d fucking chin you.” The manager looked at him blankly, so Shakespeare added a postscript: “…you bastard.” The man ignored him and squinted at a monitor in front of him before addressing...

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A man who has no interest in writing about Toadfish Rebecchi, largely because his surname is annoying to spell.