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Archive for April, 2011

Shakespeare ran a finger inside his sheer linen collar. “It’s fucking roasting here, Toady.”

Toadfish looked at him with contempt. “Why do you dress like that? You look like a gay.”

“Why do you dress like that, you fucking chump. Who do you think you are, standing there in your shorts and T-shirt handing out style advice like you’re the king of fashion.”

“Why do you always do this?” said Toady. “We’re standing here in the shadow of one of man’s finest architectural achievements, but you can’t concentrate on its splendour because you’re too hot and you’re pissed off as a consequence.”

“Is it my fault it’s a million fucking degrees?” screamed Shakespeare, lifting his breeches slightly to pull at the stockings clinging to his thighs.

“No, it’s not, but it’s your fault you’re dressed like a prize tit,” said Toady. “This in front of us is the culmination of the development of the Doric order, but all I’m getting is ear ache.”

“Ear ache this!” said Shakespeare thrusting his middle finger into Toady’s face. “Greece has been shit since we got here, all because of you. This is a weak holiday, man. Weak!”

Shakespeare in the Waldorf Astoria Orlando

Posted by Alex On April - 19 - 2011

The heat and humidity were oppressive and Shakespeare’s sheer linen collar was troubling him. If the air conditioning in the hotel were working properly, he wouldn’t feel like this.

That was another complaint.

He turned and addressed the man behind the desk once again: “And what the fuck is up with the air conditioning? It’s like a million degrees in here. If I weren’t sweating my nads off, I’d fucking chin you.”

The manager looked at him blankly, so Shakespeare added a postscript: “…you bastard.”

The man ignored him and squinted at a monitor in front of him before addressing the Bard.

“You can move into one of our superior rooms if you pay an additional 20 dollars a night.”

Shakespeare bridled. “Another 20 dollars a night? Fuck off.”

“Sir, I don’t think language like that is really appropriate for the Waldorf Astoria Orlando.”

“Oh, but it’s appropriate for there to be a pube in my bed, is it?”

“As I said, sir, we believe that having just got out of the bed yourself, there is a chance that could have been yours. But we are happy to upgrade you if you’re willing to pay the difference.”

“Pay the difference out of this,” said Shakespeare raising his middle finger and thrusting it in the manager’s face. “This is shit. This is weak. This a weak holiday, man. Weak!”

About Us

A man who has no interest in writing about Toadfish Rebecchi, largely because his surname is annoying to spell.