Some people should really think long and hard about where they choose to go on holiday. Take Trip Advisor user DT0wn for example. DT0wn should really have thought about what their trip to Walt Disney World might entail.

“Disney Characters, I think are very lame. I mean who wants to see a bunch of mouses running around? Not my cup of tea.”

If you, like me, suffer from all three major types of retardation, you too might have suffered the following fate – although I doubt it.

I’m going to Morzine in the French Alps next week. The weather has been changeable and it isn’t likely to be hot. I’ll settle for sunny and I’ll be disappointed if it’s anything else.

Coming up to a holiday, the obvious thing to do with your break at work is to check the weather for the place where you’ll be next week. Never do this for a place you’ve just visited, but always do it before you go. Looking back only depresses you.

So I just checked Morzine and I was pleased to see that it’s literally getting hotter by the day. Then, after letting this sink in for a moment, I realised that it was getting hotter by precisely one degree every day.

Instead of the temperature, I was looking at the date. Bring back fahrenheit, I say.

All my staff will tell you what a laid-back kind of guy I am. Sure, I work hard and I play harder, but I’m basically pretty laid-back, so long as you always, always hit your sales targets.

Being so laid-back, I always enjoy a stay at the Grand Wakikian Hilton in Hawaii. The cold, clinical interior is so relaxing and you get a real feel for life on this small island.

However, they can be a bit backwards. Last time I stayed, the guy on the front desk had the cheek to offer me a copied Mont Blanc pen to sign with. I don’t have any copied, knock-off stuff and I made a big point of getting out my own genuine Mont Blanc pen and brandishing it in front of him.

That wiped the smile off his cheap knock-off face. God I’m awesome.