Dear Bangalore,

Why can’t I sit on the grass in Cubbon Park?

I walked in, everyone was sitting on the grass, I sat on the grass, but within 30 seconds, a woman had come over to me with a whistle and blown it at me. When I looked confused and didn’t move, she blew it again and gestured for me to get up.

I sloped out of the park, tail between my legs, past dozens of other people doing exactly the same thing. I’m 99 per cent confident that I wasn’t exposing my testicles via the leg of my shorts, so as far as I’m concerned I was doing nothing wrong.

Why can’t I sit on the grass in Cubbon Park?