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Meeting Kim Kardashian at the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas

William Shakespeare peered across the room. A sad-looking dark-haired girl sat at a table on her own. After scrutinising her arse for a few seconds, Shakespeare decided he should go over to see what was wrong. "You all right?" he enquired. "Ahh, ...

Volleyball on Ipanema Beach in Rio de Janeiro

"Well of course you're losing," said Sophie Ellis-Bextor. "Why do you insist on wearing those clownish clothes even when you're doing sport?" "There's nothing clownish about them," spat William Shakespeare, turning to pick up the volleyball once again. "You've got no freedom ...

Ordering coffee in a Paris café

"Just a coffee please, Neil," said Sophie Ellis-Bextor. Neil Codling from Suede placed the order in perfect French then smiled at Ellis-Bextor. "You seem to speak the language very well," she said. "Yes, I lived here for a year or two," said ...

In a bungalow in Koh Phangan

Posted by Alex On March - 30 - 2013
Shabba Ranks was sitting on the bed in his deluxe beachfront bungalow in Koh Phangan, Thailand, not knowing what to do with himself. There was a knock at the glass door at the rear of the building. Ranks rose and padded towards the door in his towelling slippers. He could make out a small, squat figure through the frosted glass. It was still knocking; slowly and feebly. He opened the door. It was what appeared to be a young girl, although she was very hard to age. Her face and hair were almost that of a middle-aged woman, but she was so small and childlike, she cannot possibly have been full-grown....

Watching the javelin at the 2012 London Olympics

Posted by Alex On August - 7 - 2012
“When’s Jan Zelezny going to throw?” asked William Shakespeare. “He’s not,” replied Sophie Ellis-Bextor. Shakespeare’s face fell. “I don’t understand,” he said. “Well, he’s retired,” said Ellis-Bextor. “He’s not in the competition.” “But why?” said Shakespeare, trying to turn in his seat, but struggling due to his ridiculously oversized breeches. “Well he’s old,” said Ellis-Bextor. “He got old and retired.” “I don’t understand,” said Shakespeare. Ellis-Bextor...

Another diner on Route 66

Posted by Alex On July - 9 - 2012
“And that’s why whenever we see American spelling in Britain, we should take hostages and make some sort of stand,” finished William Shakespeare, dabbing at the corner of his mouth with a paper napkin. “Mmm,” said Sophie Ellis-Bextor absent-mindedly. “What?” snapped Shakespeare. “Am I boring you?” He glared at Ellis-Bextor who didn’t return his look for a moment, choosing instead to gaze at something back and left of the bard. “Well, it’s not massively interesting,” she said, bluntly. “I mean, I’m really not...

A Route 66 motel room

Posted by Alex On June - 20 - 2012
“This was fucking brilliant,” said William Shakespeare. “We had everything we could ever need. We had a table, two chairs, a fridge, a telly. It was absolutely fucking brilliant.” “It was just a motel room,” said Sophie Ellis-Bextor. “Don’t ruin it,” said Shakespeare. “This was special.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to him. Ellis-Bextor rolled her eyes and came and sat next to him. “Seriously,” he said. “It meant a lot to me. Sometimes I forget what you mean to me.” “Oh?”...

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